Stuff and Nonsense

My father-in-law called the theatre ticket line. What follows is an incredible failure of common sense on the part of the theatre, the ticket office or both.

“I’d like to book tickets for next month’s show, no expense spared, it’s an anniversary present. What are the best seats in the house?”

“We have front row seats available Sir, would that be ok?”

“Yes, perfect, thank you.”

The booking is concluded and the tickets duly arrive just one week before the show. My father-in-law examines the tickest. They are marked with a warning “restricted viewing”. This seems very odd. He paid a lot of money for the “best seats in the house”. How can the front row have restricted viewing?

He calls the ticket line.

“Hi, I’ve received my tickets but they state ‘restricted view’. Can you tell me what the restriction is? They’re front row tickets after all”

“Well, my notes here Sir say that due to the proximity of the front row to the stage, you won’t be able to see the actors’ feet.”

“You’ve got to be joking. When I asked for the best seats in the house they sold me front row. They’re not the best if you can’t see the feet can they?”

“They are very good seats sir, the best. You just may not always be able to see the actors’ feet”

“But we need to see their feet, that’s kind of the point!”

“I don’t understand Sir.”

“It’s Riverdance! The show is Riverdance. The feet are the show!”

“Sorry Sir, why is that?”

“Well, it’s Irish bloody dancing! They don’t move above the hips. That’s what its all about. The show is about dancing. With feet.”

“I see Sir, would you like me to change your seats?”

“Yes! Yes I would!”

“Let me see…”

“Sorry Sir, there are no other seats available. It’s very close to the show day you know.”

Only one thing to do in situations like this. Hang up. Find wall, proceed to bang head against wall.