Stuff and Nonsense

I won’t be voting Labour. I never have. However, I do have some advice for Gordon that I believe if heeded would do the Government nothing but good. Of course, if Gordon isn’t listening (very likely since I doubt he’s one of my five readers) then perhaps Nick or Dave should strenuously suggest it. After all, if Gordy listens, it was your idea (I require no accreditation) and if not, he’s just improved your election chances still further. It’s a win win.

The plan? Authorise every British consulate the world over to block book hotel rooms in the vicinity. Instruct them to block book coaches and despatch them to major cities the world over. Instruct stranded Britons to go to those cities and get on those coaches. Don’t send the coaches to Calais, send them to Holland and Germany to utilise ferries from there. Buy bulk places on ferries and pay whatever is necessary to get ferry companies to squeeze in more capacity. Use those hotel rooms to put up Britons while the coaches start to flow and the backlog starts to clear.

Tell the people not to worry. Tell them the government will recover hotel and food costs from the airlines when it’s all over. Let’s face it, the sooner this is done, the less liabilities for food and hotels the airlines will see. The airlines should cooperate with this.

Total cost? I’d bet less than 10 million. A lot of money for sure, but you will buy the vote of everyone you repatriate and everyone who is waiting for them. Buying votes is not exactly democratic but you can defend this position.

The opposition say “it’s wasteful, knee kerk”… you say “Tell that to the stranded people, may of whom on their one holiday of the year on a budget airline in jobs that won’t pay them when absent, with children missing school and running up debts that will take them years to pay off as they dwarf the cost of their hard saved for holiday”

What else can the opposition say? The worst they can say is that you delayed a rescue. That will be true so you can stand up and say “Yes, we delayed, we had to wait and see but enough’s enough now, we’re acting and we’re getting people home”.

The opposition will accuse you of buying votes, of course they will. They will accuse you of making political capital out of a less-than-end-of-the-world scenario. But you will be able to stand up in the next debate and say, “whatever you think of this government, whatever happens in the election I will sleep well knowing that I mobilised the power of our democracy for the benefit of people in need when the people needed it”.

Only good can come of this for the Government, if you act now, and act big. No more lame warship gestures with space for a few hundred people. Go in heavy and sort it out. This exercise will cost you less than one day’s War.

I commend it to the house!

In the space of a few days I have had quite stunning service from several unexpected sources.

Paymentshield. Some years ago my wife and I took out an insurance policy with PaymentShield that would pay the mortgage in the event of either of us being made redundant. The policy has crept up over the last six years from £26 per month to £30.  My cousin who arranged the policy all those years ago recently asked me had I reviewed it because he thought it was changed to cover only my wife’s salary when I started my business and since then, my wife has given up work to be mum so how could I possibly claim?  Well he was right.  We’d paid the last few years of premiums blindly on direct debit and never once questioned it. Now, hands up, this is my fault. The insurer has no responsibility to repay any of those premiums. I cancelled the policy recently but did write and say to them that if there was any opportunity of a refund of premiums I would appreciate it. It was no stronger a request than that. After all, I didn’t have a leg to stand on. But today, a letter arrives. They have refunded £600. A total of 20 months premiums. I was aghast. Grateful too but mostly bowled over by the completely reasonable attitude. In the current cash-strapped financial markets this is all the more remarkable. So, PaymentShield, thank you.  This is my first example of stunning customer service. Well done PaymentShield!

And so to another Insurer (I know!, who’d have thought it?). I had finally reached the end of my tether with the AA. We’ve been members of the AA for 10+ years and nothing will shift me from their breakdown service but until recently I thought I was doing OK on the car insurance front. It was a regular hassle though that only the policy holder was allowed to administer stuff. With the most recent renewal quote and my recent purchase of a new (old) car bringing the family total to three vehicles I decided to shop around. I’m 40 now, My wife is 34, we’ve got 10 years+ no claims, low mileage, modest vehicles. How then was I paying for the three cars a total of £1500 per year with the AA?  The AA don’t do a multi car policy (two of us can’t drive all three at the same time so you would think there was less than 3 x risk) so I called Admiral. Within 20 minutes I had a quote that has saved me… £1000 in the next 12 months. What’s more, I can administer all three policies. The paperwork arrived the next day. The AA cancelled my policies and refunded a few hundred pounds in total (promptly, to their credit). Today I phoned Admiral because I hadn’t received the confirmation of no claims that they needed from the AA. “No problem Mr Gray, I’ll call the AA and call you back”. AND SHE DID! Ten minutes later, I hear “OK, Mr Gray, no problem the AA have confirmed the no-claims, your policies are fine, have a nice day”.  Of course with insurers, the only real measure of quality is when you have to claim but given my claims history (and the fact that I read the small print) I have to say that the annual renewal, the cost and the service (when it comes to adding drivers, switching cars etc.) I get throughout the year is the only usual measure to hand. My experience thus far with Admiral has been the smoothest, most cost-effective and pleasant experience I have ever had with any insurer. Well done Admiral!

Finally, I had cause to declare my new old car off-road. The log book had been delayed or lost in the post. I called DVLA. A new log book arrived two days later. I logged on last night, entered the log book reference and the registration on the government direct website, clicked a button to declare SORN and that was it. Done! No cost, no fuss, halfway through the night when it was convenient for me. A small victory perhaps but it’s the little things in life that can so easily make it harder than it ought to be.

Great service from two insurers and the government in the space of a few hours. This is a good day indeed.

The local news outside broadcast director must have been beside himself with joy. “Great! We’re doing an article about the town councils putting millions of pounds into Icelandic banks. We’ll put handfuls of ten pound notes on statues and on grass and next to unfeasibly made-up ladies of a certain age wandering round Cheltenham. That will help our audience of village idiots get the point.”

Bloody fantastic. Illustrate the council “spreading OUR money around to minimise risk and maximise interest” by literally sprinkling money around and filming said money. I for one am grateful. There is absolutely no way in which I could possibly have grasped what on earth it was all about without this  hammed-up, ham fisted, banal visual feast.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better the final words of the reporter “…thrown away” or “…in the bin” – , I’m too stupid to recall exactly what was said – were played over, wait for it; A man throwing money into a bin!

And they say TV isn’t dumbing down.

I’ve been duped. Perhaps you have too. I always took it for granted that my money was safe with a high street bank. I suppose most people were of this opinion. During the recent economic strife though, for the first time in my life, I’ve heard about a limit on how much of my money I can count on getting back if the bank fails.

This was a revelation. Banks are monitored, regulated, audited; everything we see in the media (until recently) is geared towards giving us all the impression that our money is safer in the bank than under the mattress. But it’s not true is it? Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t have any money. No, not at all. Like most of you I’m a net borrower from the bank. The balance on my mortgage far outweighs any other assets I may have other than the house itself. You can bet your life I’d be a outraged all the more if I had retired and had my £40k pension lump sum only to find that the last £5k of it could evaporate in the event that my bank hit the dirt.

I’ve seen the warnings about shares “Values of investments my go down as well as up”. Of course. Who’d be daft enough to believe otherwise?  On life insurance policies we are warned “You may not get back all you pay in”.

But when did you EVER see a warning on the bank poster “Caution: You may not get back all you pay in.”

Some banks even charge for these accounts. Of course, one may earn a few percent interest on the cash in the bank but if you wanted to put £50k in the bank would you put it all with the same banking group if you were forewarned “Remember, the x% interest means you have to risk 50% of your capital. You’ll definitely earn x% this year but if we overstretch ourselves you may only get £35k back.”

It’s fundamentally dishonest. I don’t want something for nothing. I appreciate that to earn that small amount of interest then I have to let the bank USE my money temporarily but where was the warning that they may LOSE it? That’s the point. I, naively no doubt, always thought that the bank is using my money to make so much more that they can afford to give me a very very tiny return. It seems plausible.

Of course we hear that no private individual has ever lost money from a UK bank. We hear that no UK bank will actually be allowed to fail, simply because no government wants to be the one in power when the first hit is taken by the public (aside from the taxpayer bailing out the banks of course which DOES seem to be acceptable.) I don’t know if that’s true, I don’t know who to believe any more. I suppose I should be glad that I’m a net borrower, but just as the well heeled depositor will lose a packet if the bank dies, that same bank may call in my mortgage and put me and the family on the streets! Despite this unpleasant possibility,  I  should stop moaning. I’m benefiting right now from borrowing from the bank which ultimately must mean borrowing from the depositors who have surplus cash. I wonder if those depositors know though that their cash isn’t safe when the bank fails?