“Crikey. Ok, I’ll bring my car to you and the boys, I’ll drive yours home”

“Oh, it’s OK. I think it’s alright to drive”

“No, too risky. I’ll drive it.” (imagining no windscreen makes for bad drive home for wife+3 boys)

So I proceed to drive into Cirencester, collect my youngest boys from Grandma & Grampy’s where they’d been spoilt for a couple of hours following their swim lesson.

“What are you doing here Dad?”

“I’m taking you down to Mum and you are all going home in my car because Mummy’s car has a smashed windscreen”

“Like when she parked in Waitrose and the back window was smashed?”

“Yes, exactly like that. Mummy’s very unlucky sometimes. ”

We arrive at the leisure centre and I exchange car keys with the wife.

“I’m sure I could have driven it you know” she repeats.

I go to the front of her car to survey the “Smashed” windscreen.

It’s still there. I mean, the glass. There is glass where I expected a hole. There is no hole.

What there is is a classic stone chip and a substantial crack along two thirds of the width. It’s a chip. A chip and a crack (no jokes about female golfers, please).

“That’s not smashed! That’s cracked. You could have driven it home!”

“I did try to tell you that”

“Yeah, but you said SMASHED. That’s what you said. Not cracked, SMASHED.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“But, But, never mind. See you at home”.

I’d followed all the guides, Googled myself half to death and everything, I mean EVERYTHING looked right.

My provisioning profile used a wildcard app id.

Eventually I decided that XCode may not be using the right profile even though it SAID it was and thats when I found this.

http://www.frogameleon.com/blog/iphone-sdk-codesign-error-a-valid-provisioning-profile-is-required-for-product-type-application-in-sdk-device-iphone-os-22

That post did indeed show that the profile was blank. This enabled me to get the right profile in use for the sample app I was working in. However, it still complained about the mismatch in the app id but this time the error message was a bit more helpful.

Although I never got this from any of the documentation, and even though I know the answer now, the videos and Apple’s documentation STILL doesn’t lead me to this conclusion, here’s what my problem finally was:

In my provisioning profile I’d used app id com.jobb.*

This has of course been prefixed with a weired id so it actually looked had an alphanumeric prefix before it along the lines of ABCDEF.com.jobb.*

Everything I read lead me to believe that my bundle id in the info plist for my app should be set to this.

Not the case though. The bundle name just needs to be com.jobble.appname

Although XCode has screwed up my project initially, fixing that lead me to this simple solution.

To test my new found oh-so-obvious knowledge I created a new app from scratch, set the bundle name to com.jobbl.testapp2 and built it straight to my phone without any problems.

So, a mere 6 months after I got my developer certificate I finally have the ability to deploy dev versions direct to the phone. Now I just have to go back to learning objective C and try to come up with some interesting App.

And, just as my friend Craig told me… the answer when I find it is so obvious and so sensible that I can scarcely believe I ever had the problem.

Perhaps this post will help someone. Tonight’s effort was three hours straight and there have been several nights spent on this problem. So, I shall retire to my bed bathed in the warm smugness of having finally figured out something that should never have needed figuring!

It’s great. It’s basically the same as Facebook but instead of the ability to type status updates you are only able to select from the following list.

• “I’m bored”
• “I’m drunk”
• “I’m going to get drunk”
• “I’m going to be bored”
• “I was bored, now I’m drunk and bored”
• “Facebaulk is so boring I want to vomit”
• “I wish I was drunk”
• “I’m going out”
• “I went out, it was boring, I’m drunk”
• “OMG I’m so bored!”

It also has an option to automatically pick one of the above and post it at 3am for those nights when you are just too bored or too drunk to actually type.

I think it’s a winner.

“How do you know it’s a hoax?”

Well, I don’t KNOW it is a hoax. I believe it is a hoax though. Because to believe it is true also requires me to believe that…

Criminals the world over have tried a slight variation on a theme and the would-be-victims have relayed their worrysome ordeal in such a way that it has found its way into a rich variety of email forms with a remarkable number of words and phrases in common.

Or, there is only a small band of dedicated criminals trying the same scam whilst globetrotting and, judging by the prodigious number of near-misses, being very bad at the criminal game while still being able to fund their travels. A “Whicker’s Gang” if you will. If an email comes to light where the victim is duped by a small group of elderly, charming men wearing horn rimmed glasses and smart blazers you’ll know I’m right.

Or, this is a crime pandemic that Interpol, The FBI, our own home office and regional police forces deem so unimportant that none of us have ever seen a poster, tv ad, crimestoppers, window sticker or a sign in a car park or an appeal from whoever that bloke is who says “Don’t have nightmares”.

Or, despite the fact that there are apparently several perpetrators, instead of rushing the victim and bundling them into the car they send just one of their number to go do it using some Ether and a dubious story. Lots of things to go wrong there. For one thing, Ether is heavier than air so you will need to give it a pretty good sniff to make sure it gets up your snozzle instead of meandering over the neck of the bottle and falling to the floor; secondly – and I expect to be put right by some medical type on the cc list, but what the hell, let’s live dangerously – my lay person’s understanding of Ether is that one gets high, possibly in an explosive and troubling way for some time before becoming compliant and finally, helpless and unconscious. Not very efficient on the abduction front is it?

So, that’s why I (and people who collect these things and put them on hoax slayer et al to help others) believe it’s a hoax. Because it just doesn’t sound plausible. Does anyone think it does sound plausible, really?

No offence to Alan Whicker by the way. I like him. I’m sure if one were to be abducted in the style of Alan Whicker it would be charming and he’d probably apologise afterwards. Of course he’d probably use sherry instead of Ether.

Anyway, the point of this particular post is to whine a little about what spoiled the experience for me and, in fact what always spoils the cinema experience for me… PROJECTION!

I’m always amazed that in these days where even DVD is now being replaced by BluRay and digital technology in the home is old-hat, the Nation’s cinemas are still showing brand new films on such old technology. It’s just miserable. Start Trek suffered throughout by what seemed to be an unstable picture with closeups being marred by the whole scene shifting up and down perceptibly. Angels and Demons less so (different cinema as well) but both viewings were grainy, blurry, indistinct, “low-res” pictures. It was (and has been on all cinema trips I can remember of recent years) a very disappointing experience visually. It really did look like watching a VHS tape at home on a modest sized TV. Obviously it is higher resolution being purely optical, resolution may not even be the right word to use but the fact is the quality of picture I get at home on a large (42 inch) but budget plasma TV is in a different league.

Contrast is the other victim of cinema. Not so much with Star Trek but Angels looked like the entire lot was shot through cheesecloth with dull colours and contrast.

It just feels like a waste of money. The only way to see the film soon after release is at the cinema and the quality is dire.

I sign up for an online share dealing account. It says instant access, just give your bank details etc. So I do this and yes, it really does take just 10 minutes to fill in all the forms. And the final step… “You will now receive a temporary password through the post…”

In which universe exactly does that count as “instant access”?

As I write this out of frustration it’s been six minutes… that’s just rude.