Stuff and Nonsense

This car achieves many world firsts.

Screen capture taken from the page linked to above.

The instant (and therefore, infinite) acceleration means it must have zero mass. Since even the lightest engine blocks have mass this MUST be the first example of a production car powered by a flux capacitor, achieving the FC’s predicted ability to offset its own mass precisely by using an anti-matter exhaust system. Even Clarkson would be excited by this.

In light of this drive train, the fuel consumption figure is disappointing. My calculations (approximate) lead me to believe that this mpg figure was arrived at when carrying four adults amounting to a payload of just over 1 ton. Assuming that the adults are human, and hence the MBF (Muscle Bone Fat) density relatively constant, they would each need a volume to achieve this mass of just over 2.7 cubic metres. Clearly (I’m coming to the point) it is ridiculous to suggest that four adults, each larger than the car itself could fit inside it. The logical and only conclusion therefore is that this “car” is actually a tardis.

Since we’ve established that the “car” is actually a tardis (and clearly fully functional, as it is cloaked as a small car rather than a police call box), the “mpg” probably means MINUTES per gallon. This is a common cosmological measure that links time travelled to gallons of baked bean juice consumed by your typical time lord.

This is good news for the frugal motorist. Tardi come with the universe’s best warranty package since if they break down after the 4 millennia or 22 million light year warranty period you simply travel back in time and get the problem fixed under warranty before it occurs. How can it travel back in time you say if it is broken? Well, that’s the beauty of time-travel paradoxes. It never breaks down BECAUSE you went back once and fixed everything. This notion makes a tardis purchase extremely easy on the wallet though carries clear mental health risks if you think about it too much.

I’m going to order one. Oops, it seems I already have. Clearly it’s working well. Oh no, wait. It’s stopped. It’s not broken, it’s just on strike.
Damn. It’s French.